W:I:S:H:E:S

Only I can know thedepth of my love. Only I can know how much I love or despise a person. Don'tseek to judge me, lest I choose to despise you. I hold great depths of emotion,great depths and capabilities of love. I'm not allowed to love to my full capacitythough, so how do I  hold all of this in.

Love, unfelt andunused, does not stay love. It must change into something useful, somethingexpressible, and when there is no other choice, yes. Love becomes hate. Itbecomes indifference. It becomes longing, lusting, depression, sadness,craziness, and most of all it becomes pain. You can't love, and not use thatlove, without consequence. Pain is the only thing that will come of it, we mustlearn this, and we must endure it.

Do I want to love,and keep that love as love? Yes. Who wouldn't. Am I allowed to love, no, I amnot. I am not allowed to love in the way that I wish, and it kills me. It ismind-numbingly painful. I cannot breathe and I cannot think, because lovetransforms itself into a severe depression that darkens my mind, body, heart,and spirit. It is no way to live, this life of non-loving. It is justexistence.

Yet, there is noreal existence without love, is there?

Funny how people change.... I think I will be an artist today, a poet tomorrow, and a photographer for the rest of my life. Lets write like fools my friend, for none shall know the fools we play but you and I and the sly blind eye.