W:I:S:H:E:S

I wonder, when, and how, do you know, when it is time to let someone you love go? In the past few months, I have found myself learning to love unconditionally, and I can't say that I like it. I feel so wounded, and yet I love. I get my heart broken more than I ever thought I could stand, and yet I still love. My trust is taken and thrown out the window, (one of the very worst crimes that can be committed against me) and yet... I still love.

Is there something wrong with me, or am I growing? I realise that I have changed a lot, even in just this past year. I've never been able to catch it as I change though, and catch what all is changing. But I feel like I've taken myself out of this 'time stream' and am standing back watching everything flow past me. I'm changing, oh yes. I have allowed my heart to be taken more easily than I ever could have thought, I have learned to cry, to let out all of my pent-up frustrations, angers, and hurts. I have learned to laugh again, and to just spend time with my friends, something I havnt done since the eighth grade. I've learned to let go of things easier, and to forgive.

I'm changing, yes, but is this growth, or decay. (time to go into algebraic terms, however much I hate to do so)

I had coasted along for quite sometime, just the same person, but since January, my growth(or decay) has been exponential. It just keeps going, though I know not where. I think, that whether this is growth or decay, still has yet to be decided. There is a decision looming in my near future (I tingle with the feeling of it), and I believe that that decision will ultimately shape who I am to be. I have an idea of what this decision might be.... Though I know that God loves to throw little twists and turns in our lives to make things interesting. Soon my friends, soon is all I know, but, at least, it IS something that I know.

Love has both lost and won many battles for me. And there is a war in my soul right now, though I've bypassed it so many times in the past, it's quickly become to large to ignore, sadly. So will this new unconditional love be with me, or against me?

my love,

-Wishes-

Currently Reading:
Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths & Stories About the Wild Woman Archetype
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
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